Living in China poses problems for me. The most important is probably the language barrier. Sitting at my computer back in the States, looking at ads for teachers of English in the People's Republic, I thought it would be a cake walk. Reading journals such as this weblog, it seemed like I would have access to whatever I wanted: the inner workings of the Chinese mind, the unravelling of Chinese society etc., I quickly found out that I was to be left out of this due to my inability to speak Chinese. How frustrating. My only friends are those who speak English, which leaves countless amounts of people untouched. Now, since I've been in China I've learned enough to get by, and can answer basic questions such as where I work, where I'm from, my age and such trivial things. Sometimes, I dread going out to eat, or to purchase things on the street because I'm inevitably greeted with, "Ni hwei shuo han-yu ma?" I quickly reply, "No I can't speak Chinese", sometimes in Chinese and sometimes with a simple shake of the head. I know that if I could speak Chinese my experience would be much deeper, and I'd go beyond the superficial levels of friendship that I have with many of my collegues. I'm told to, "just learn the language then!" when I discuss this problem with my friends, and if they only knew that it's not that easy. For most of the Chinese people I converse with, they've been learning English for some 10-12 years, and this includes University level instruction. I can't "just learn the language". I know that this is completly my fault, but at the same time it's still frustrating. At times the language barrier can be a great source of comedy, especially when I try to communicate using my basic ability. To my surprise I'm understood quite often but the conversation can't branch into anything of substance. Language is not the only difficulty I face here. Being a complete novelty and standing out wherever I go is a little tiring. Contant "hello's!" and shouts of "laowai" or "foreigner" can be heard wherever I go. For the most part I've learned to ignore them, but that doesn't mean I don't hear them, and whenever I do, it's a constant reminder that I stand outside of the rest of the population. This experience is lessened when I'm in big cities such as Beijing, however I'm still the odd man out. I came to China thinking it'd be easy. At times it's been exhilirating, staggering, profound, but it's never been easy. That's not to say that it's been unbelieveably difficult, I believe I've adjusted as well as can be expected. However, uncomfortable feelings sometimes make their presence known and I'm often brought back to reality. This country beats with a different pulse than what I have known in my homeland, and it would be ridiculous for me to presume that I could unravel the mystery during my short stay here. It might not even be possible were I to spend the rest of my life here. Different moulds cast this place. It's a place I've learned to respect, it's a place that's forced me to repeal my pre-concieved notions, and it's a place I'll not soon forget.