Uncertainty sucks. Bigtime. Not knowing which way things will go, or how you'll be affected really leaves me discouraged. These are the times when I feel like flying. Like reaching out for something fresh, abandoning my burdens like the beast of burden at the end of his journey. The human mind can only take so much before it has to unwind. My solution to problems probably isn't the most mature thing to do. Running away usually doesn't solve anything. Problems seem to follow like an impending storm you can never fully escape. Recently, it seems as if when I feel optimisic about my life in China, the optimism is just a mask I've put on to conceal all of the doubt. The bone chilling wind that seems to make itself present every now and then easily blows that mask off and the uncertainty returns.

I just don't know what to do about it. Fly? No. I can't do that. I'm responsible for more than just my own feelings at this point. But it's what I feel like doing right now. India has been on my mind alot lately. Not home, interestingly enough. Another country full of people and experiences. I dunno though, when will I take responsiblity? Christ, I just want to settle. I'm talking career, wife, stability. None of this bullshit of dealing with visas, unrelenting tradition, cloaked relations, the whole things takes on the appearance of a gigantic mess. I need a sign.